More Problems to Fix

A Thursday for Thought & a hello to new subscribers.

Hey, I’m Emma. I create and facilitate supportive spaces for others to feel seen, heard and understood. Right now, I do that through so many cool things like meditations, podcasting, spoken word, writing and sharing poetry, thought and support partnership, project management, events collaboration & well who knows what else?

I write about the uncomfortable and beautiful experiences of being human. Subscribe to support my work & to read more. Or, join our free Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human Community Chat, a space for curious, contemplative, and connected conversation. You can also check out my services, opportunities and events as they evolve here!

I recently watched the below video 👇 of Gabor Maté speaking about addiction, and something he said really caught my attention:

“We live in a culture so out of sync to human needs that is so traumatising and stressful for people that diseases, conditions and mental health conditions are growing”

I also watched him speaking in another clip, where he goes on to say that psychologists are:

“more interested in ‘solving your problems’ and ‘getting you to overcome your problems’ than asking where does the behaviour come from? And what are you still carrying inside that’s making you behave that way? And how can we help you resolve what’s inside you?”

Whether it was Gabor’s intention for his words to be received in the way I interpreted them, they got me thinking about how many of the ways our systems are designed, revolve around identifying problems to fix.

This linked to another podcast I watched recently on entrepreneurship and marketing. It discussed creating value by first identifying the problem and secondly, creating a solution to it: X is the problem; therefore, you provide the Y needed to resolve said problem. A very valid approach to business, except that sometimes we’re creating solutions to things that aren’t necessarily problems in the first place. In fact, entire industries are built on this.

This takes me to my next point -

The other day, whilst walking through my home town, I saw a sign at a local beautician’s that read, “You’re not depressed, babe; you just need Botox.” Later, on my way back, I noticed another sign outside a coffee shop that read, “Less depresso, more espresso.”

Sure, it’s not that serious, but—like Gabor’s background as an English teacher—my background and education in linguistics make me a bit obsessed with the power and meaning of the language that we use and how they interact with us all in different ways.

On a side note, although Donald Trump and I don’t share much in common, one similarity is our weaving of topics and words (start at 2:58 in this video, and you’ll get what I mean). I mention this because I’m about to weave something else into the mix.

I recently saw a Facebook post about ADHD, which framed it as a label. What stood out most to me was this:

“If you constantly measure yourself against this label, you limit your potential and shut yourself off from the opportunity to be more than that label. It becomes a vicious circle of self-limitation and a lack of confidence.”

While I can see the truth in this perspective on ADHD, just as I can see the truth in the marketing expert’s insights from the business podcast, or the subtle truth in the “Less depresso, more espresso” sign, I can’t help but agree with Gabor: sometimes, we can easily brush off or fail to notice how deeply we impact others by seeing them—or what they experience—as a ‘problem’ that needs a ‘solution.’ This reflects my own experience of ADHD, which liberated me rather than limited me.

My biggest issue with this, as you’ve probably guessed from the examples I’ve shared, arises when we apply a problem-solution methodology to the mental health, wellness, and business spaces—fields I’ve engaged with myself and made part of my own work.

I could see its value and how it could work. I admired the knowledge and experience of the people offering their solutions, but I always felt a sense of emptiness. Perhaps because the solution they offered wasn’t addressing a problem I had in the first place? Or perhaps because their solutions weren’t suitable for who I uniquely am and how I want to show up in the world?

I’ve learned a lot from a problem-solution approach to life, but I’ve always struggled to apply and sustain what I’ve learned. To be honest, I’m still unpacking the layers of this, but a conclusion I’m exploring right now is that when I engage with the framework of “This is your problem > here’s your solution,” I shut down. When I’m instead offered space to be witnessed in my experience, supported in resourcing myself in ways that truly meet my needs, and encouraged to act autonomously while knowing I have a community to lean into, I open up. I feel safe to be who I am in that moment, without suppressing myself or the experience I’m having.

Perhaps my perspective is not so different from ‘problem’ and ‘solution,’ but for me, the energy of the approaches feels different—especially in mental health. ‘Problems’ and ‘solutions’ imply a one-dimensional approach, where something is either black or white. Where our human nature is as simple as, “Do you have a dirty carpet filled with pet hairs? Here’s a vacuum that’ll clean it for you” (where problem-solution thinking and marketing actually works).

But when it comes to mental health, business, or even the things we perceive as ‘problems,’ what one person views as an issue, another might see as a gift or an acceptance of where they are right now. What you view as a problem might simply be how they see themselves.

When we approach things with a problem-solution mindset, we risk reducing a human being’s experience to our own perception of what’s right or wrong.

Perhaps the answer is to shift away from a problem-solution approach to something like: “Hi, here’s what I do/provide and how I do it. If this resonates with you and feels supportive for where you are right now, and you have the resources (emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually, mentally) to invest in it, I’d love to share with you my services/products and work together if it’s a yes for you.”

Wrapping it up.

Yes, we need the skills that coaches, therapists, and other professionals offer. And no, this isn’t about abolishing the marketing or branding industries, eliminating storytelling, or becoming hyper-aware of everything we say, do, or share. What I’m gently suggesting is a reminder: your way is not the only or right way, nor is it a guaranteed solution for that person and there particular experience.

Perhaps taking the time to understand someone helps us to determine whether we can truly support them with integrity?

Now, I’m inviting myself—and you—to experiment with an approach that doesn’t place ourselves, our services, or our products on a pedestal, nor leave others in a mindset of “I need to be fixed.”. That encourages the need to take more responsibility for ensuring that our selling—and our motivation to provide value—doesn’t create cycles of dependence, suffering, or debt.

I’ll finish with this short clip (open in a separate tab to stay with me) from Yoga With Adriene to conclude this article and ask the question:

How can we move from systems obsessed with fixing problems to ones focused on fostering understanding and compassion?

This article is part of my Thursday ‘for Thought' series, where I share thought and support partnership and speak about the different topics I’m currently exploring. With these articles, it’s my intention to open a space for curious, contemplative, and connected communication with one another in a supportive environment.

That’s why, at the end of this article, you’ll find an option to join our free subscriber chat and share your questions, thoughts, and feedback from this article with the Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human community. This week we’ll be exploring ways that, together, we can focus on fostering understanding and compassion.

What’s happening in December??

1. I’ll be hosting my Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human Reading Hour on Tuesday the 10th of December 📖

This is for those of you where:

• Reading is not only a hobby, but a way to connect more intimately with life

• A method of bringing more emotion, depth and joy to our human experience

• This is a book club for those of you who want to share in the uncomfortable, beautiful experience that is being human

You can expect on the 1 hour call on Google Meets:

• A brief 5-minute drop in meditation to start

• Time reflect on the books we’re reading, sharing our thoughts, different interpretations and take-aways

• A supportive space to connect with like-minded readers 💖

2. I’ll be hosting my Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human Monthly Meditation & Connection Group on Wednesday the 11th of December 📖

The theme for December will be:

• My favourite thing ever - rest. Like, real rest, and what that means to you

You can expect on the 45-minute call on Google Meets:

• A guided meditation led by me focused on the month's theme for 20-minutes

• 20-minutes of reflection/connection time where we'll chat about what came up for us with each other. During this time, space will be given to each of you individually to share and journal your thoughts 🌼

• A final 5-minutes together with setting intentions for how we'll be integrating this theme into the month ahead

• Your welcome to come with cameras off/on and stay as quiet as you like, or, if you would like to engage, they'll be space for that too. The maximum capacity of people for these calls is 10

with love,

Emma

If you found this post supportive or engaging, please let me know in the comments, share it with a friend 💖 or restack it with your thoughts. It’ll help other people connect with Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human.